18
Dec
09

Getting organized…

I was working today and struggling to work on the things that I needed to. I had decided to start a home school blog and had fun distracting myself with that. However, I did not get any “real” work done. Not the stuff I get paid to do. I guess we’re all entitled to have bad days, though.

I guess I was feeling anxious because I immediately wanted to start making lists.  I did make one list though. Just one. I could have turned it into a serious project.. but I controlled it. It’s the OCD flaring up I guess. I taped the list to my desk hutch cabinet and can see it. So I feel calmer just having it there. Or so I keep telling myself that I do… LOL

I’m up in the middle of the night. I had gone to bed wicked early and so woke up wicked early. It’s only 3 a.m. and I’ve been up for about an hour and a half. I should try to go back to bed. Big day tomorrow!

Tomorrow is the boys’ last day at traditional public school! Brandon also is having a Christmas party and a “going away” party at the end of the day. T is probably not gonna go to school because he still hadn’t slept at 2 a.m. when I got up. But we’ll try to see what happens.

The boys also have therapy tomorrow afternoon. It’s counseling therapy. B works on learning how to name and express his emotions and Thomas works on controlling anger and creatively expressing it instead of lashing out. I also felt that T needed someone who can talk to him and he can talk to without feeling judged or pressured to “say the right thing.” I’d love to be that person and I am to an extent… but I am not so naive as to think that Thomas will always tell me everything, especially if it’s problems with me. Or Daddy Jerry. It’s been helpful in the past and I’m happy to have it start again.

I think I’m feeling anxious over the whole starting home school and all the places that I write for. I think I’m worried a ball is going to drop from those I juggle. That old inferior complex rearing it’s ugly head and my past patterns for handling anxiety come with it. Okay, they say knowledge is power. I have this knowledge. I identified the source of my anxiety and I know that I will be just fine handling it all because I’m not alone in it. I should feel better. I should have POWER!

All I have is a warm cup of coffee and this page I’m quickly filling up. Not feeling that power yet. Maybe it takes time to settle in…

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